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And the winner is…

October 8th, 2008 by

admin

Ok so I don’t get it. How the hell is everyone saying that Barockstar won the debate? From where I was sitting McCain walked all over him. He pointed out the lack of experience Barockstar has, the fact that everything he’s saying looks good on paper but should Barockstar become Pres, then we’re all going to effectively take it in the shorts.

What so because he said “I agree with what McCain just said, and let me add this other thing” that means he wins? That really dosn’t tell us anythign about Barockstar other than he’s real good at agreeing with things but I didn’t hear anything new from him that wasn’t “Change, Energy Independance, affordable healthcare, blah blah blah.” No real substance.

Personally I feel that people just want to say he won so that those that didn’t see the debate (which had lower numbers than the VP debate) will think that he some how came out swinging. Dude, he sat there and took punches left and right, and had nothing to back it up. He didn’t put up a fight, he didn’t even show any signs of having a leadership bone in his body. He really came off as being startled that he was being asked a question, and then you could see the gears in his head scrolling through the talking points looking for something that was a non-threatening middle of the road answer.

I love how he glazed over the fact that Barockstar got the 2nd highest contributions from Freddy and Fanny. Yeah, its totally the republicans fault. Dude, if you take money from them its your fucking fault too!

As if you couldn’t tell I’m not a fan of Barockstar, I completely disagree with his ideas (read the “Blue print for change” on his website). Even though he keeps talking about all the people he’s not going to tax. Dude, he’s going to tax the hell out of everyone. Under his model that he keep talking about there isn’t enough money coming in and that’s what they’re going to find out. So the logical conclusion for that is to tax more, and it will be framed as everyone sacrificing and such, but really, its been the plan all along.

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Please Bail out my Title…

September 29th, 2008 by

admin

Its story time:

My dad had 5 heart attacks before he ultimately died. He was a smoker and he drank alot and didn’t eat the best food and he used drugs. As you can see quite the formula for a healthy life. In the beginning Heart Attack 1 seemed like a wake up call. Most of the time shit like that is a wake up call. You get the fear of God put in you and you see that “hey, maybe I should change some shit up.” So he did, then he stopped. Enter stage left Heart attack #2. After this one he needed a bit of a reminder that his heart and him were still working some shit out and needed to maybe reconsider the state of their relationship for the both of them. OK so rinse and repeat, everything gets back under way and then as you can guess the story goes…stops. Enter stage right Heart attack #3. Ok so you have 3 heart attacks its evident that you need help with this whole “Staying alive thing”. After this I’m not sure what happend as I wasn’t really in contact with him but suffice to say, he had a 4th heart attack. At this point he proved that he was not physically able to make decissions about his life and in my personal opinion needed to be taken into some kind of care facility. This as you no doubt can guess, did not happen and the end result was his death after heart attack 5.

I feel like where we are at economically is at heart attack 4. And the bail out feels like more beer, smokes, and burgers for the financial groups. Look, I will be the first to admit that I’m still working on understanding all of this. I’m trying to keep a level head about it and not freaking out and wanting to pack up and move to somewhere that I believe is going to some how fix my problem by not staying here. In talking with people about the Great Depression it seems that it didn’t really kick in to full “We’re totally Fucked mode” until about 2 or 3 years after the crash. So think about it this way. You live in New Orleans, only its 2 years before Katrina, and you know what you know now. What would you do? No doubt move right? Ok so for the majority of the people reading this I doubt you’re going to move. Hell you might move out of the states, but with how the financial institutions are all situated, this is going to effect the whole world. We’re all linked, that was one of the primary goals after WWII. If all of our financial institutions and companies and whatnot were in other countries they’d be hard pressed to attack one another, as they wouldn’t want to destroy their own economy. So…What would you do? Lets say that you and your friends and family and all your stuff dosn’t get destroyed at all and no one dies. Everything around you is fine but what would you do to plan for it? That’s kind of the mindset I’m in right now. I’d rather plan for the worst than to not have planned at all. It feels like to me that it dosn’t really seem real for anyone yet. I mean its all happened so fast that its difficult to process all the ramifications of what actually happened. If you’re unsure and if you’d like to know. My friend Julie (Whose going to MIT for her MBA) wrote this paper. Its 8 pages but it will help you to understand it all if you don’t already know. My suggestion is that if you hate reading things that are longer than a head line that you get over it and read it. I suggest you read quite a bit of things on this issue as its going to directly effect your life. Up to this point things like the Original Great Depression and other financial collapse seem to be some shit that happened to other people and they have all these great stories about how they survied and how they had to walk up hill in the snow both ways to get to school 10 miles away and all, but from the looks of it, we have a very good chance of walking both ways in the snow here pretty soon.

I’ll say this, right now I see no need to freak out and I hope this post hasn’t come off that way. Katrina is still 2 years away, we can plan, we can save and prepare for it. I’d also like you guys to think about the communities around you. If you’re in a church or some other group, you’re going to be a really great resource for those in your community who aren’t in said group. Who don’t have the resources you might have. Look, I’m saying, get together with your church or whatever and start talking about this. People are going to need help, walk a mile in their shoes, hell you might have to, wouldn’t you want to have some help? Are there blankets, or baby formula, or clothes, or medical supplies that could be gathered? Are there projects that could be planned that could bring more money into your community? The dollar hasn’t gone to shit yet, so as such we should look at this as a time of plenty and store up what we have to make tomorrow better. I have a feeling we’re fast coming up to the “7 years of famine (as it were). “We the People” are the ones who are going to have to bind together to get through this. If and I stress, IF this is as bad as everyone is saying, if they hype isn’t just there to push news papers but what everyone is saying is true, we’re going to need to bind together and work on making a better future for us all. This could really suck, I mean REALLY SUCK, and all the while we could point fingers at those in the past that made it happen, or we could work towards helping your next door neighbor. There are going to be lots of hands out to the government asking for help (and everywhere else) And this is our chance to step up to the plate. So the burden falls on our shoulders to do what we can.

Most Importantly…Pray. A few years back I was up snowboarding with my buddy “Stick” (His nickname…not a stick that is my friend) and I was hit by a skiier. I had a concussion and a broken collar bone ). I was talking to my Grand Mother about the situation a while after and she said “when God wants you to pray he puts you on your knees.” No doubt. I’m pretty sure right now this is God putting the whole world on their knees and its time to pray. Pray for those that are going to be affected by this, for those in power making the big decissions, pray for wisdom. Pray that if you don’t have a community (read: good church) that God provide one for you. Don’t worry about how to pray, just talk to God. Hell, Ask him to help you how to know how to pray and what to pray for.

Keep your head, Educate yourself, be smart and don’t flip the fuck out about this. I’d also suggest when you talk about this with people that you (after the angryness dies down a bit) talk to them about what they think they can do to help. Get ideas and get them on board.

Word

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Quick PAX Post…

September 9th, 2008 by

admin

PAX came and went and honestly its all a blur for me now. I just remember it was super busy and i’m pretty sure I had a good time. Really I didn’t get to see much of the show as I was spending too much time focusing on recording footage for the DVD. Well, I wasn’t personally recording anything but we had a pretty tight crew doing that work. Roband I had been working on all the pre-pax recording stuff for I think about 4 months. When the day of (or rather the day before as we started recording on Thursday…PAX started on Friday for those of you playing from home) it was surreal that we were actually there and it was “Go time” Now all the theory all the "what ifs" and such we’d mulled over for months were now either going to happen and become reality or it was just us over thinking things. Well, all in all the project went pretty well. We had a professional recording company covering the main theater and they had a roaming crew that got a lot of the “B-roll” footage I wanted for the DVD. In addition to that we had another “wild card” camera man by the name of Hicks. I’m not gonna lie, dude is a freakin pimp. With all that I think we have a billion hours of footage to go through. This is fine by me as I’m really focused on making sure the DVD for PAX this year rocks the fucking house! Its weird, for all those months we were going over the planning for the actual day of recording, but now the real work begins putting the puzzle together with the footage. I’ll write more about PAX here in a bit, I just wanted to say some stuff like I just did. Oh and here…watch this. So this is a taste of what I want the final dvd to be like. This is the montage that was played before the final round of the Omegathon. CLICK We got licensing for the song…our editor on that kicked ass and in the end I think it turned out way good

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Let’s see if this works…

July 24th, 2008 by

admin

Ok so if you want to comment from now on you have to “register” you can do that by clicking the little “login” link there on the bottom right hand of the menu there. I’ve been inundated with spam as of late with the comments and so, I’m going to see how this goes. If you are a spammer and you register, I’ll have complete control over your account and I can format your stupid douche bag machine from here! So don’t fucking do it! Right, so this is going to be a quick update just to say "hi" and that i’m excited that there is a new Armored Coregame coming out and I’m not gonna lie…I’m stupid excited about it! Last night I jumped in AC4 just to get back into the controls and what everything did and I’ll tell ya, its totally like riding a bike. So AC4 was really fast, and what I mean by that is that the mechs you’d put together were really FAST! the manuverability in AC4 was totally kicked up a knotch from the previous games well…it seems that they want the game to be much Faster which i’m fine with. Either way…I’m pretty stoked about it and you really can never have too many big robots

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Chinese food in China is just called food…

June 29th, 2008 by

admin

Most other times when I say “I’ve been really busy and havne’t updated because of this.” has always been mostly true. I’m not going to lie when I also say that I usually have every intention of updating I just haven’t. Well THIS TIME I’ve been really busy and I’ve got a damn good excuse! I’ve been in CHINA! Like where they invented Chinese Food! I’ve been to China twice so far and its a pretty awesome place. I’ve been going out there because of work. I was out there in April and I just got back from the second time on the 21st of this month. The place where I’ve been at is 50 miles from the Epicenter of the big ass earthquake they had in China. I wasn’t there for the earthquake (thank God). However on my last trip I talked with this guy from Austria whose plane was coming in to land during the earthquake. They missed it by 7 minutes and the plane had to be redirected to somewhere else. On the first trip it was pretty cool. I got to stay a day in Shanghai and walk around for a bit before my flight out to my final destination. Its a really cool city…strange though. I mean, being a tattooed pierced up white guy I stick out like a sore thumb so there are all of these guys that will walk up to you and offer to sell you things. Like a New watch, shoes, jacket, shirt, DVD (Yes they actually say DVD). A good chunk of it is in broken english and they’re pretty persistent. Even after I show them that I have shoes, and a watch and a shirt that I’m currently wearing they really want me to buy DVD. In the beginning I would just say “no” but then as more and more of them wanted to sell me things I found that I started to get frustrated and yell at them to get a real job, or something like that. The Architecture there is pretty cool too. So on the one hand you’ve got all these huge buildings like you’d see in any city, but then there are all of these european buildings I’m guessing from a time the Europes were there doing things. Then, you’ll turn a corner and it’ll be like you stepped into Blade Runner. Stands where people are selling all kinds of weird shit that people are eating…or little cages with bunnies or turtles in them. I’m guessing not as pets. Then when you’re in that Blade Runner land the architecture changes and its all old school chinese with dragons everywhere and monks and such.

The people there are super nice and even if they don’t speak english very well they’re really helpful. After I left Shanghai I was off to the final destination. This was a much smaller city and it had a much more “local” feel (as I was told by the guys we were working with). The place I was in is in the Sichuan province. So if you’ve ever had Sichuan food in the states or where ever isn’t in the Sichuan province you’ve been screwed! Their food is AMAZING! Crazy spicy. So let me explain the spice thing there…Ok so you know how we have “stars” for how spicey something is..1 star being not spicy and 5 stars melting your face (well in theory). Ok so our 5 stars is their 3 stars. The way that they off set the spice is through this pepper corn. It literally numbs your mouth. Like Novicane almost, but the thing is that it dosn’t hamper any of the flavor. In fact it actually brings out more flavors. I ate all kinds of weird shit that I can tell you in the States just wouldn’t fly as a menu item for a standard night out. What I mean by that is…Duck Tongue, Goose intestine, scrambled duck eggs, and…my personal favorite…Rabbits Brain. You wouldn’t think it was very good but man…not too bad. One of the guys that was there with us said that he and his friends would get like 30 rabbits heads and go through them over some beers…Not unlike what you’d expect in the states with Chicken wings. Past that it was a pretty nice trip, got to see China a little bit and eat some damn good food. In addition to that I was able to go see a Taoist temple and also a panda sanctuary, I saw about 25 pandas.

So this last time it was a real busy trip, I actually planned my trip on a monday and was on my way to China that saturday. One good thing about going out that way is that I get to fly Buisness Class, which is nice. I mean you’re flying for 13 hours (give or take) and being able to recline the chair back and sleep is pretty sweet. But I want to pause here for a minute and tell you that I really like the new Airbus planes over the Boeing 747-500s. Ok so the seats on the new Airbus’ are totally automated and they have 5 or 6 buttons on the chair that will recline it or sit it up depending on what you want to be doing. So there is a “sleep” button and the chair (all Jetson’s style) moves back into a really comfortable position in about 20 seconds….its dinner time? Click the dinner time button and the chair sits up to a real nice position for eating teh foodz. The chairs were super comfortable and you get your own video screen that you can watch movies on. So sure on other international flights they’ll have those screens, but the difference I found between the Airbus plane I was on and the Boeing planes I was on this last time is that the Airbus ones allow you to pick whatever movie you want and start it and stop it on the fly. Whereas with Boeing they have some VHS tapes or some shit running in the back of the plane and as soon as they start they just keep going. So the result is that once one movie is ending on the Boeing plane generally all the others are as well then you have to wait until whatever long ass stupid film is still going to finish so 10 minutes later the loop can start again. Ok so the chairs on the Boeing side had these dodgy hydrolics I’d have to fidget with to get the chair in any comfortable position. Even then the hydrolics or whatever would sag or not be cooperative. Sure maybe I was just on an older plane and the 777 or whatever the dream liner is will be super cool but for now…I’m going to make sure I’m on one of those newer planes…just a nicer experience.

Ok so on the game front, I’ve been all about The World Ends With You for the DS. Its been nice for the flights to have it to play. I was playing Crisis Core, but I forgot to charge my PSP before I left, so TWEWY was the game I opted to play. I can just say that if you have a DS you should get this game. Its a Square-enix game and Its good times. In a nutshell…there are these “pins” you have…like a button you’d wear on a jacket. Well each pin has a different ability tied to it. So you put together these decks of (up to) 6 pins. As you use the pins they get stronger and could evolve into new pins. I guess there’s something like 300+ pins. The pins can all get experience through combat, but there are two other ways that pins can get experience. Through either “Mingling” or through “shutting down”. Some pins will only evolve through shut down experience. So what that means is you put all your pins you want to get Shut down XP into a deck, you save the game and you turn off the DS and leave it off. The longer you leave it off the more experience the pins get. The other way is through Mingling. I was explaining Mingling to some friends at work and they said that effectively the game becomes a packet sniffer. What happens in mingle mode is you have your pins that you want to get mingle xp in a deck, you click on the “mingle”. Once its in mingle mode you can close the lid and the DS then looks for 3 different things.

1. Other DS’ (You get 20 xp for each DS it “sees”)

2. Other people playing TWEWY (those are worth 60) In addition to that each other person the DS finds becomes a “friend”. You can access your Friends list in the main menu and once you do you can go into a shop which is made up of the pins they have and other items. Which you can buy. The other cool part in that is they can buy your pins. If you mingle with them again you will get all the money they spent in your store.

3. Alien Signals (worth 100 XP) I’m not exactly sure what constitutes an Alien signal. Through talking to people the idea is that its any random wireless signal. I’m not sure if that could count as your wireless printer or what….

So what i’ve been doing is leaving it on mingle mode all the time…like when I’m driving to work, or at work, or at home. I usually get 3 to 4 alien signals at home and I’ve got a few alien hits driving to work. My hope is to get some more players…but man…listen. If you’re playing the game put it on Mingle mode! I crave the pins you have!

Ok so there’s alot there for you, Hopefully it’ll make up for all of the non-updating I’ve been doing as of late. Oh yeah so I’m going to be on Platform Biased here soon. I’m talking about breaking into the games industry and such, most of the stuff I’ve been talking about for years at PAX. Which is SOON! You should make an effort to go this year! There is a hook…and PAX is totally going to be off of it!

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Crisis Core

April 7th, 2008 by

admin

I picked up Crisis Core the other day after reading the review over on Evil Avatar. My PSP up until just the other day was in some kind of weird stasis as I had left it plugged in and on the “sleep” screen once I got Days of Ruin. Up to that point I was playing Disgaea “Afternoon of Darkness”, I’d played the PS2 version back when I had a PS2 and I enjoyed it but I liked advance wars more so enter the aformentioned stasis. So yeah I read the review and I was interested mainly because I really enjoyed FFVII and since I have no means to go back and play it again this is going to have to be good for now.

I’m about 6 or so hours into the game and I’m really enjoying it. It looks really good and the control is pretty tight. Thus far on the PSP my favorite game had been Daxter, a super good game, real good control, fun game play. So every other game I’d tried that wasn’t a direct port of some other game I liked has been measured up to that. A few games have been pretty good but I think Crisis Core has met that bar (to this point). The combat system is interesting. Its not the turn based huge group combat from FFVII, this one is kind of like real time but with a hint of random encounters. You’re running around and the combat encounter will start, no spinny flashy woosh screen as you go into combat, just a simple thin bar across the screen that says (effectively) “Combat is going to start”. Then you run around and hacky slashy the bad guys. Combat is pretty simple, X attacks, Square Dodges, Triangle Blocks, Circle cancels. At the bottom right hand of hte screen is this list of Materia and other things (Attack, Items, etc..). Lets say you want to cast fire, well you just use the right shoulder button to scroll over to fire, then hit X. Fire is cast. You want to go back to hacky slashy, you use the other shoulder button to move back to your weapon and you use X to attack. There is this whole…slot machine thing that is constantly going on that I don’t quite understand yet…but its there and that’s how you level and do other things. It seems more that the game decides when do to other things. I think there was one time that I leveled 2 times in one fight. I’ve read a few things about what people thinks is going on and I’m not entirely sure anyone knows. But that I don’t care so much about, I mean I’m enjoying the game so, random crap or not, its fun. Oh yeah, and there is Materia. It levels just like the Materia in FFVII but in this one you can fuse materia together to make different kinds of materia…I just unlocked that feature so I’m not completely sure how it all works. Looks like its time to head over to Game Faqs.

Its really neat playing as Zack as I liked his character but he was always a bit part. If you read the other review from EvAv you’ll see they mention Sephiroth is in it and he’s not a power hungry crazy guy (yet). That’s neat too. I’ll get back to you about if I still like the game and I’ll fill in a few more spots that I didn’t touch on here in a bit. It’ll more than likely be what keeps me going on the flight to China.

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Devil May what now?

March 31st, 2008 by

admin

I finished Devil May Cry 4 last week, the main reason for me finishing it is that I was sick with some kind of flesh eating bacteria or ebola or something. Either way, I’m better now…well better than I was. Yeah so, DMC4…where to begin. I did enjoy the game, it looked real good and the game play was what I expected from a Devil May Cry game. The story follows this younger character named Nero who if you’ve been following the Devil May Cry games for any period of time, you will notice that he looks alot like Dante. Dante was the hero from all the other games (1 - 3) Dante is a bad ass! Nero…yeah the jury is still out on if he can fill Dante’s Shoes. For the first 11 or so missions you play as Nero, but then you get to play as Dante. This was when I really started to have a lot of fun with the game. Dante is really where its at when it comes to hacky slashy shooty jumpy 3rd person adventure games.

So a little background here. As you play through the game and kill demons you get these orb things that allow you to buy skills. For Nero he could spend points in his sword, his gun, his arm, or his attributes, I think there might have been another but follow me. So with Nero its pretty straight forward. You get a few new combos, you can cut dudes up a bit faster and of course look much cooler as you do it but the issue was that as time and the levels went on I found that I was really only able to dispatch the bad guys in one of a few ways but that ended up being the extent of Nero’s moves. Then we move on to Dante. See, Dante is a freakin killing machine. For Dante he not only gets to upgrade his sword(s) (he gets 3) and also 3 guns, tons of attacks, and all the attribute things. Not only that but Dante has these different “stances” that you can switch from durring combat. What I mean by that is there is the “gun slinger” stance, that one makes it so he does all these cool gun moves when the B button is pressed, but if you switch to the “sword master” stance the B button then does other cool sword stuff. With all the weapons Dante gets and all the ways you can really dig down and make sure he’s speced out how you want, he’s the most fun to play. I was kind of bummed out that in light of how much fun he was to play that I wasn’t able to play the game with him more. *shrugs* You get to go through quite a few levels with Dante and its all still good times, I’d suggest the game if for anything else to kick it Dante style. As I mentioned before the game is gorgeous, well, I’m not sure how it looks on a standard Def TV but on an HD TV its Super cool. Capcom People…if you’re reading this Blog…which I know you should because Pf.com should be your home page. Next Devil May Cry game….MORE Dante…ALL THE TIME!

In other news…I’m going to China some time next month….good times. Ok yeah, just like always…I’ll update more often…I promise.

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People fill me with rage

January 23rd, 2008 by

admin

Watching this video was a real nice way to get me really angry before the day started. I really hate people who talk out of their asses about things that I worked on. I’m really tired of the “news media” in general, but I think I hate them the most mainly because of their stupid talking points. The reason being is that I don’t think they’re realy grounded in reality. What I mean by that is, yes we can agree that they are saying words and they are saying words about things that we know about (in question: video games). However the meat of the conversation is often times centered around some kind of overblown misinformation, at which point they rally the troops and charge towards the windmills. Normally humans don’t enjoy having things said about them that aren’t true. On the other side people also don’t enjoy having lies spread about things they enjoy. This is the crux of my rage. It’s that the “talking points” the over blown bullshit have been said so much that as far as the news media is concerned its become the truth. Does the news media use fact checkers anymore?!

Example: Kevin ” Lies are the new Truth” McCullough, wrote an article about Mass, which if we’re following the bouncing Saren head, Kev-bo writes this article after not playing the game but instead gathered all his info from watching Youtube clips. Ok so when has it ever been ok to come to a conclusion about a product (or content therein) by only watching Youtube clips? So its totally fine to remove context and just jump to the “questionable content” and then make up wild stories about what they think the context should be. Why the fuck is it ok for these talking heads to talk out of thier asses about something they really know nothing about?! Don’t people get pissed off about that when the media does that with any other story? I bet half those fucking news people don’t even have kids, or a console. They might but hell if we’re here talking out of our asses then, I’m pretty sure that all news people don’t have kids and they also don’t have video game consoles in their collective houses. Consoles to news people are these demonic content generators that spew out sex, drugs, and violence directed at the youth! Listen people the childless news people are right! Why have I been so blind! Man there sould be legislation regulating video games! If we bring in the government they’ll be able to make sure we’re seeing the content thast we should be!

Oh yeah and if you don’t go to Evil Avatar, go here and you can listen to the Aftershow that I was on. They had some issues with the audio but they have them fixed now but yeah…there’s me talking about stuff with people who are also talking about stuff.

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True Nut Bracket

January 15th, 2008 by

admin

I’ve tried to update this damn this thing 5 times now and things keep stopping me. Lets just pretend that I’ve been updating for a while. There were lots of things I was going to write about between now and last september but all those things are gone now. I bought a Guitar (Fender Stratocaster) and I’ve been learning how to play. I want it to snow more here. It snowed a little bit last night but now the sky is clear and there’s not a snow storm as far as the eye can see…which I find frustrating. Christmas was good, new year was good…yeah, nothing too interesting to report there.

It was kind of a hard transition for me coming off of working on Mass Effect. At the end there I was working 12 to 16 hours a day 7 days a week for 3 months. That was the main reason I dropped off the map there and didn’t update. I couldn’t really think about anything but Mass Effect. Once that was done the Christmas season was here and then I just tried to get out of work mode. I got a couple weeks of comp time and it took me about a week and a half to get back to normal, and actually relax. It pretty much sucked. Things are good now though and I’m going to actively (for reals this time….seriously) try to update this thing, I mean its here…I may as well.

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Expletive Self Analysis

September 1st, 2007 by

admin

Ok so I’ve been working on something for a bit and with help of the Council (yes there is a council) we’ve nailed this down for general use. Here’s the thing. I belive that Expletives each have a certian archtype that they can be afixed to. You earth humans tend to have a certian way that you act. You can look at a person and say..yeah…that guy is a “dick” but see, I’m saying that for too long now we’ve used the expletives in such a way as to throw them around like one would their little sister. Through the “Expletive Self Analysis” we’ve defined them a little bit more to the point where you’ll be able to look at how you are (and others) and really say…yeah that guy is “X”.

The only problem thus far is that all the expletives hit the masculine side of the coin. I’m currently working on a list for females, the problem is that the things that women call other women are full of venom and are interchangeable in any situation (I.e. Bitch, Whore, Slut, C U Next Tuesday, etc…) which aren’t really descriptive more so prescriptive. I think that women could use this system, I just think that the might have to deal with the masculine overtones for now until I and the counsil create a list for the ladies…for now here are the rules and the lists.

Rules of Expletive Self Analysis:

1) Every man has a classification and you must classify yourself. Improperly classifying yourself not only hurts you but it makes baby Jesus cry.

2) You may only have one classification, no sub-classifications.
a. You cannot be an AssDick or ShitPrick.
b. You can however be an Ass and sometimes do actions that are kind of Dickish. However primarily you’re an Ass…and everyone knows it.

3) There must be more than one person present when you perform your Expletive Self Analysis or it doesn’t count.

4) If someone in your group decides to perform his ESA, all others must do the same.
a.Note the rest of the group can also put in their 2 cents on what they think you are as they more than likely know you pretty well and will be able to give a fair assessment.
b. If a group is helping (because you can’t really think of one) they cannot classify you as something you’re not with the intention of making fun of you. I.e. IF you’re not a Dumbass (let’s say you’re a prick) they group can’t decide you’re a dumbass just because they want you to be one.

5) In the extreme instance in which you do you fail to classify yourself… well we won’t go there.
The following definitions are to be used by men around the world who wish to perform the ritual of Expletive Self Analysis. After performing the ESA you will feel more comfortable with your actions and you will learn to live with yourself, even if you are going to Hell. Everyone knows at least one of all the following but the important thing to remember is that it takes all kinds to make the world go ‘round.

THE LIST!

Ass: Someone who is brutally honest with those around him in an attempt to help. He will tell you the things you know are true but just don’t want to admit to yourself.

Asshole: Just like an Ass but without the intentions to help people only to hurt and cause pain.

Dumbass: The Dumbass is not unlike the “Mother fucker” (see below), the real difference here is that the Dumbass is completely oblivious to the fact that he’s even saying things that are in appropriate. It’s usually really painful to hang out with a dumbass, most of the time a friend of yours brings his friend, which at that point could be noted as being “That fucking guy” (See below). Either way dude is a dumbass and generally the group decides to “ditch that guy”.

Bastard: The guy who always busts out with the witty, sarcastic responses to all your questions. The Bastard is the master of misinformation; the down side is most of the time it is at your expense. The good bastards actually make you believe the answers he gives you. The Bastard will take every opportunity to make fun of you when you least expect it. I.e. you’re standing around with a bunch of your friends (let’s say your name is Jim”) at the Mall. The bastard would yell super loud “NO Jim I don’t want to Show Dicks!”

Cock: Actions do not describe this guy but more the demeanor of how he carries himself. He is the guy that no one talks to on the plane or in the instance of the weight being misbalanced and the flight attendants needing to re-distribute the weight, the Cock is the guy all the attendants don’t even make eye contact with.

Dick: Everyone knows that guy that is really nice to your face but the moment you turn around he is talking shit about you every chance he gets. The dick will never actually admit he talks shit about you to your face.

Fucking Prick: This guy helps you move your apartment but he will remember the time it took, the day it happened and then will hold it against you for the rest of your life. Yes you’re friends with this guy but ultimately, it’s at a cost, a cost you actually don’t know about but trust me, He’ll remind you about it.

Mother Fucker: This Mother F’er has no boundaries, he will talk about all the wild nights he has had with your mom while your 5 year old kid is standing nearby. The Asshole and the Mother Fucker are kissing cousins and often times it can be difficult with discern right away which is which. Trust that eventually, you’ll be able to pick out if this guy is a mother fucker or an asshole.

Prick: This is the guy that helps you move, but will give you shit about it the entire time. Remarking about how all your boxes must be filled with bricks or lead bricks. He’s the guy who in a full room of people whispers loud enough to you to make sure you hid all your sex toys because he was sure he saw them (Note no sex toys actually exist). In general the Prick gives you shit about pretty much everything.

That Fucking Guy: That Fucking Guy is the one that always appears out of nowhere at the most opportune times when it is beneficial to him and most non-beneficial to everyone around him. That fucking guy will cut in line you’re waiting in, or take your parking space, or be a guy who is wearing a huge ogre suit at some convention.

Shit: This phrase is most commonly used in reference to children 12 years and younger although it can be used when describing an adult of the same mental capacity. That Shit or Little Shit (depending on the age/mental capacity) is the one who is always crying because they only got one scoop of ice cream instead of two. The shit can also be likened to Dennis the Menace

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Expletive Self Analysis